I often wonder if I’m the only one that experiences so many ups and downs, whether it’s from one day to the next, or even moment by moment.
I’ll be fine one minute and the next, I’ll be anxious and restless, and find myself pacing my condo.
One day I’ll be full of energy, ready to tackle the world and do all the things. And the next day, I want to be in bed and watch Netflix and eat popcorn.
Am I normal?
But that begs the question : What *is* normal? Does that even exist? And even if we think it exist, who came up with the criteria?
I mean… I get it… some things aren’t “normal? per se (i.e. murderrous thoughts). I’m talking more about the average human – what’s a normal range of emotions or variation of moods?
I sometimes feel like my mood can swing drastically from one of the spectrum to the complete opposite at the drop of a dime. Granted that there are a few factors that will affect how quickly I can swing from one to the other, namely the quality of my sleep the night before and how hectic and busy my day has been, whether I’ve had time to myself or not…
Where am I going with this?
I dunno. I had terrible sleep last night and had to peel myself out of bed this morning for a training. And struggled to focus most of the day. In the afternoon, I felt kinda flat. Not in a bad mood, but not in a great mood.
I just did an hour of “mindful” movement which helped. A light 30 minute pilates and then I added some moves that I enjoy doing. So that helped. And it felt nice to do that in the quiet. I usually exercise while listening to music or a podcast. But today, I need quiet. And it helped.
Which leads me to this moment, now. And goes back to my initial question : am I normal? Or is my range of emotions and moods too broad? Then again… I’ve gotten a LOT better. My mood and anxiety was so much worse a few years ago and managing my emotions was SO challenging. I couldn’t get myself out of a bad mood and my weekends were often ruined.
So at least that’s better…
But anyway. I’m constantly questioning myself. Wondering how I can be better. What I can do better.
I have this constant feeling that I’m not doing enough or good enough. Which is a whole other discussion, perhaps for another journal entry. Because I think I’ll leave it at that for now. I want to take a bath and then finish my YouTube video. I’m going to my parents’ tomorrow afternoon to spend the night and I want to get some of my business work out of the way to try and be present with them.
See you tomorrow.
