I miss doing these.
I don’t really know if there’s a point in writing them – whether anyone is (or will ever) read them.
But I like writing.
I don’t think I’m a great writer. But I write from the heart. And I write the same way that I speak and think. Writing is also an easier way for me to communicate and share what’s on my mind, which is why I love to journal to help me sort my thoughts and my brain.
I don’t remember the last time that I shared a journal entry. I feel like this year has been intense and a whirlwind of experiences and emotions. Looking back, I feel like nothing has changed, but at the same time, I feel like everything has changed.
I’m in a more calm headspace. My body is slowly healing (I was diagnosed with endometriosis, and waiting on a diagnosis for narcolepsy, type 2). I feel more at peace on most days. I feel like the pain and sadness isn’t as raw anymore.
But I do catch myself going back into patterns and habits that I’m more familiar with. The anxiety and stress and chaos is how I survived in the past, and I’m more familiar with *that* feeling than feeling calm, intuitive, in flow. So it’s been interesting challenging that notion that you thrive in what you’re comfortable in. Because in reality, I feel more at peace and more like myself in some ways when I’m calm and in flow. When I’m not anxious and able to go with the flow of the day.
Changing and working on yourself is an interesting process. Some days you feel like you can conquer the world and you’re the strongest person ever, that your problems are gone and that you’re a new person. Other days, it feels like you’ve regressed to worse than before.
But I guess that as long as the trajectory is an upward trend, you are slowly progressing and improving and with time, that line will just keep going up and up and up.
If you’re here, reading this, can you drop a line and let me know that I’m not speaking into the abyss?
And if I am, then that’s okay too.
I’m trying to build something. And I know that I have to share and create and put out content. And this does bring me joy. Sharing. Writing. Creating.
But then I also feel a bit silly just writing for the sake of writing. Or maybe it’s not just for the sake of it, since it is bringing me joy?