Funny how things can be different from one day to the next. My energy was frantic/anxious today. And it wasn’t great. I felt like I kept jumping from one things to the next, or doing more than one task at a time to try and get ahead of my to-do list.
Granted, I was more tired today. My neighbour was making a lot of noise and it woke me up at midnight. I’ve become *that* neighbour that goes and knocks on the door to tell them to stfu. I don’t understand how people are inconsiderate. He apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what time it was.”
It’s the second time I’ve knocked on his door. I have another neighbour that also makes a lot of noise at night. They have people over and scream and put loud music on.
Who am I? I sound like an old fart.
But sleep is important. I’ve had sleeping issues for years and it has really affected me. It’s gotten better in the last few months but it’s still not 100%. And if I have one bad night… this is what happens. A day where I feel restless, anxious, I keep checking my planner to figure out what to do next. Doing more than one task at the same time.
Ugh. I hate it.
Even now, as I’m writing this, it’s 8:55 P.M. and my mind is thinking about the next task I should do.
Should.
A word that I use way too often and am trying to stop using.
Have you ever heard of the expression “Stop SHOULD-ING on yourself”. Get it? Should-ing. Shi*ting…? It means that the more you think “I should do this…” the worse it is. And I’m definitely guilty of that.
Anyway. Can you tell I’m tired? I can. Because my ideas are bouncing from one to the next.
I’m not sure I’ll continue these series. Fine, we’re only on day 3. It would be fun to do it every day. But I also don’t want to waste my time doing it if no one is reading it. Or maybe someone is reading this and smiling to themselves “Wow, she sounds wacko.”.
Perhaps there are things in life that you just have to do for the sake of it. For the simple pleasure of it. I enjoy writing. So here we are. Then again, I’m always writing in my journals.
But this feels different. There’s a certain mystery of not knowing whether anyone is reading this (unless you comment. And if you do, thank you for letting me know that I’m not speaking into oblivion).
I experienced that with my mailing list. I worked so hard on it for months and months, thinking that no one was reading it. And slowly, with time, I kept receiving responses. Answers from women from South Africa, from India, from Saudi Arabia…and I was in awe that my words were reaching someone and were helping someone.
I guess that’s the point of this. Even though I enjoy writing these, I also want it to have a purpose. For someone to read this and smile. Or make them think about something I mentioned. Or maybe make them feel less alone in THEIR spirally thoughts.
Whatever it might be, I always want to have a purpose and meaning behind what I do. For now, I guess the purpose behind it is that it’s something creative and enjoyable for me to do. So I’ll keep doing it for now.
We’ll see where it goes…
See you tomorrow, I guess…