Life has a funny way of throwing you curveballs when you least expect it. April was a month filled with personal situations and one big change. Here is a sneak peak at my goals for May and 3 tips on how to deal with uncertainty that I used to help me figure my sh*t out.
After finally feeling like I narrowed down on the mission and purpose of Elle is for Love and building a strong vision for where I want to take the blog…I got a job promotion.
And it’s not just any promotion. It’s a job that I’ve been wanting for 3 years and this type of opportunity doesn’t come around very often.
I find that oftentimes, the Universe (or God, or whatever you want to call it) has a twisted sense of humour and will test you on the things that it KNOWS you struggle with.
I need certainty and stability. The moment that there is too much unknown, I freak out (sometimes, quite literally). I like knowing what to expect, what the plans are. I like having a certain routine. Ask my husband, I used to drive him crazy sometimes needing to know exactly how the weekend would play out.
I’ve learned that even though planning and being organized is a skill and a good habit to have, I need to also have a balance and learn how to go with the flow. That’s one of the reasons why my hubby and I work well together because we’re able to balance each other out and it’s been a great learning experience.
However.
Yes, there’s a however.
In the past month, I’ve been feeling particularly anxious and out of control. And when that happens, I try to control the things that I feel like I have control over (i.e. what I eat, my exercise regimen, my schedule…). It isn’t a healthy cycle and I’m aware of it, but that’s just my defence mechanism. If I feel like there’s too much uncertainty and too many things that in my mind are unpredictable, I will start controlling (maybe even over-controlling) other areas.
Not have I been feeling out of control with a lot of areas in my life…then this.
This goes to show how your perspective will affect how you feel and how you experience life.
My perception is that everything is out control, which it is in some ways, and everything becomes overwhelming and too much to handle.
Ugh. Thanks brain.
[bctt tweet=”Facing uncertainty in your life? Here are 3 tips on how to deal with it…!” username=”seppyforlove”]
Even though I’ve been wanting this job for 3 years, the news frazzled me. I spent over a week thinking (and maybe overthinking).. “Wtf do I do?!” I have some stability right now and I have routine that I’m comfortable with and that has helped me manage my anxiety. I have a bit of peace of mind and have been able to manage everything else going on. Having one thing in a routine helps me worry less about the other sh*t.
WHY WORLD, WHY?! Why do you this to me??
So how did I handle this situation? Here are 3 tips on how to handle uncertainty.
{ Tip # 1 | Nothing good comes when you’re thinking from a place of fear }
Oh boy, this is a big one.
I was listening to a podcast from Julie Solomon and X quoted Elizabeth Gilbert that “Fear is the most boring thing about us.” Which really resonated with me.
Everyone has fears. There are recurring themes around fear that almost everyone will experience. Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of losing someone, fear of not achieving a goal… the list goes on.
Fear is a common thread in all of us. So what makes you unique? Definitely not your fears. It’s your experiences, your knowledge, your passion, your skills, your personality – those are the defining characteristics that make you unique and that can make you stand out in a crowd. Not your fears.
[bctt tweet=”Tip 1 | How to deal with uncertainty : Nothing good comes when you’re thinking from a place of fear ” username=”seppyforlove”]
When you’re afraid of something, you’re holding yourself back with the mentality of “What if…?”. You are stopping yourself from enjoying the moment and experiencing what’s right in front of you and you’re creating scenarios and ideas in your head.
Yes, those fears might be ‘real’ – they might come to reality one day.
But not right now.
Right now, you need to focus on the present moment, you need to live in the NOW and enjoy the present rather than worrying about the future that might or might not happen.
{ Tip # 2 | Always try to change your perspective and find a more empowering meaning }
This is a game-changer.
The moment I started telling myself a different story in my head, the moment I started interpreting this situation as something other than what I was worrying about (i.e. fear) that’s when I was able to start taking a step back to really figure out what the best decision is.
Instead of thinking “Why is this happening? It’s the worst time, I don’t feel ready, it’s going to de-stabilize me again, what’s going to happen, will I have enough time for my blog?” I thought to myself “This is an amazing opportunity, this might be a sign for me that I need change, this could also be a sign that I need to recognize that I’m resilient and strong and that I’m able to really do anything that I set my mind to.” That’s when the switch flipped.
That’s when I was able to interpret and process the situation as an opportunity rather than “something else that I need to figure out.”
[bctt tweet=”Tip 2 | How to deal with uncertainty : Always try to change your perspective and find a more empowering meaning” username=”seppyforlove”]
Instead of thinking about all the things that were overwhelming me, I tried thinking about the positives. This is a new job opportunity, it’s something that I’ve been wanting, a change of routine might do me some good, I don’t have to stay at the job if I don’t like it.
I also tried not letting fear be the driving force behind my decision because that’s the worst thing you can do. Challenges and change are good and can bring you a lot of growth and new experiences. I recognized that I’m feeling a lot of fear and anxiety because of the surrounding circumstances but that my fear shouldn’t hold me back from a new challenge that might take me to the next level on a personal and professional level.
PIN NOW, READ LATER!
{ Tip # 3 | Talk to people close to you that know you very well }
There is a very delicate balance with this tip because you need to make sure that you are talking to people that know you deeply, that know your values and who will give you advice based on those factors rather than on their beliefs on what you should do.
Talk to those close to you, who know your reality, your current struggles, your dreams and who know enough about you that can give you an informed advice and guidance on what to do and how to handle a situation.
My hubby is great at this because he knows when I need to just talk and the times where I need him to chime in and just tell me wtf to do because yes, there are moments where I get so overwhelmed that I need him to just take the reins and make a decision for me.
In this situation, my hubby was patient and kind and loving. The evenings where I needed to tune out and watch my YouTube videos while scrolling on the internet, he simply sat beside me and played video games and was physically present for me, while giving me the space that I needed.
[bctt tweet=”Tip 3 | How to deal with uncertainty : Talk to people close to you that know you very well” username=”seppyforlove”]
Other times, he asked a simple question to see how I was doing and if I was ready to talk about it and figure things out. He also made sure to support things like my self-care practices by encouraging me to go to the gym by coming with me, or by preparing me healthy meals to eat at home because I didn’t have the energy to prepare anything for myself.
I know it sounds dramatic but for those of you that have anxiety, you might understand this better (and if you need a bit more context, read this blogpost about what it feels like to live with severe anxiety). It can be crippling and it’s a frustrating feeling because I don’t enjoy feeling that way, but it takes me a bit of time to process and be able to get myself to a place where I’m able to handle whatever has come my way.
So there you have it, my 3 tips on how to deal with uncertainty.
Now moving on to May goals…
Because I’ve already talked a lot, I thought I would let the images speak for themselves.
I think that it’s become pretty standard for me to stick to the 3 categories of goals and there aren’t too different than last month.
What are some strategies that you use to handle uncertainty?
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Talisa says
Hi Seppy, mind if I email you about this? I love the points you’ve raised and suggested here, but a particular one is almost always so challenging for me to keep up. Would love your advice. Let me know if that’s okay x
Sepideh says
Talisa! OF COURSE! Email away! I’d love to hear your thoughts/struggles <3
Lailah says
I did a showcase in April and the day before I broke down crying because I was so scared and afraid that something was going to go wrong. I was worried that I wasn’t going to do well and that my makeup was going to turn out a mess. Like you, changes give me anxiety and stress. Sometimes I say no to opportunities out of fear and it makes me so mad that I let it take over me. So glad Found this post and can relate. Will definitelt go back to it in the future.
http://www.princessmiiaa.com
Sepideh says
Awwwww I’m sorry you went through that …. I know how hard that can feel, especially in the moment…. <3
Thandiwe says
I really need your help
Sepideh says
What do you need help with?
Cloe says
Thank you for sharing! I definitely agree talking with other is one of the best ways to combat anxiety. That along with exercise! Sometime just moving the body or connecting with people outside of ourselves is enough to come back to center.