What it Feels Like to Live with Severe Anxiety

Anxiety has become a more commonly talked about topic which is amazing because we need to talk more about mental health. For those of you who suffer from anxiety, I’m hoping this blogpost will make you feel like you are not alone and that you can find ways to manage it. This blogpost is also for those of you who know someone that suffers from anxiety. I’m hoping that this post will give you glimpse into anxiety so that you can hopefully understand it anxiety a little bit better and maybe even help your friends or family who suffer from it.

** Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. These are my own opinion based on my experience living with anxiety for almost ten years. If you suffer from anxiety and are struggling to manage it, I would encourage you to seek professional help. That’s how I was able to get in under control in the last two years. 

This post is dedicated to those of you that live with anxiety in the hopes that it makes you feel less alone. And this is also for those of you who knows someone close to you they suffers from anxiety. I’m hoping this will give some insight into what it feels like to have severe anxiety and give some advice about what you can (and can’t) do to help your loved one.

Have you ever felt sad or angry for seemingly no reason? The sun is shining and nothing happened today to explain why you would be in a mood?

OK, now imagine that…magnified by 1,000.

As someone who lives with severe anxiety, it can be hard to explain to someone who’s never felt hopeless and completely out of control of their emotions.

It’s a strange thing to feel anxious because sometimes, it feels completely irrational and you really can’t explain it, but then you can’t change it either. You feel like your chest is getting tighter by the minute and you can’t snap out of the funk.

And that can be a scary feeling.

Feeling like you are not in control of your emotions, like the world is crashing down around you, that you are in a dark cave and you can’t see the light… it’s a scary place to be in.

That has been my reality for the last ten years.

At one point, it got so bad that I would have weekly panic attacks where i would hyperventilate to the point of almost fainting. I would then be non-functional for days because I was so drained that all I could do was stay in bed and hide under my covers.

Thankfully, things have gotten a lot better. With the support of my family, husband and therapist I’m learning the mechanisms to manage my anxiety. I have a better understanding of what my triggers are and why I have anxiety to begin with.

I’ve empowered myself with the knowledge and tools to take better care of myself while also learning that sometimes, I need help from my hubby or sisters to get through an anxious moment.

{ What is anxiety }

I don’t want to go into the scientific definition of what anxiety is because I’m not a health professional and there are enough resources online where you can find that information. I wanted to offer a more concrete perspective into what anxiety is and feelings like for someone suffering from it.

What I learned is that anxiety is actually a defence mechanism. Your brain is telling you that you are in danger that you are going to get hurt, whether physically or emotionally.

This is caused from past experiences and now your brain has processed those memories and created a defence mechanism so that you don’t get hurt again, even if the current situation you are living might be different or might not be dangerous to you in any way.

Like I mentioned before, anxiety feels like a complete loss of control over your emotions. You feel like everything is falling apart and that there is no hope.

What makes it harder is that anxiety can manifests itself physically by short breaths, a clenched jaw, a headache, lack of energy and motivation, rapid heart beating and hyperventilation.

Sometimes you know why you’re anxious, but other times you don’t.

Sometimes you’re able to get over it quickly, and other times you feel anxious for hours or even days, without being able to snap out of it.

{ What you can do about it }

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I’m here to tell you that there are ways to manage it. But you have to stay consistent. You have to figure out what techniques and tools work for you, which don’t, and to make to continuously use the ones that help you. It isn’t a quick fix. You have to train your mind and body to respond to anxiety so that you can eliminate faster every time it creeps up.

For those of you that want to learn how you can help a loved one that suffers from anxiety, I’m here to tell you that you can offer all the support, love and understanding, but that if the person doesn’t help themselves, you wont be able to either.

Yes, you can help them in some ways, especially in the moment where they are feeling anxious – offer a listening ear, supportive and calming words, give them the space to feel whatever they need to feel and make sure they don’t feel alone.

But at the end of the day, it’s like anything else: you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

{ Tool # 1 | Deep breaths }

How many times have I talked about deep breathing in my posts?! (Proof : I talk about it here, here and here) I mean..if by now you haven’t started practicing deep breaths every day (whether you have anxiety or not), I don’t know how much more I can encourage you to START NOWWWWW!! (I’m screaming in your ear, can you hear me?).
There is scientific proof that deep breaths can have an instant impact on your mood (if you don’t believe me, look it up!).

In the moment, when you start feeling the anxiety creep in, take a few deep breaths to reconnect with your thoughts and emotions and try to listen to what your brain is telling you. You might be able to help yourself instantly from the anxiety to worsen.

{ Tool # 2 | Accept it, don’t fight it }

The more you are in touch with your thoughts and emotions and you take time to reflect and study your reactions to better understand anxiety, the better you will become at managing it.

But the first step is to accept it and not fight it.

I’m not saying to accept anxiety as defeat. I’m saying that instead of fighting your emotions and bringing yourself down with discouraging thoughts like “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “What’s wrong with me, why am I like this?” Be more kind and loving with yourself.

Accept that you have anxiety. Accept that you don’t feel well emotionally in that moment. Because it’s okay. You will be okay. It WILL pass.

Fighting it and trying to pretend you’re okay will only make it worse and amplify the emotions. Don’t make it harder than it is.

If you’re helping someone with anxiety: Remind your loved one that their emotions are valid, that it will pass and they will eventually feel better. Remind them that they have been able to get out of it in the past and this wont be any different, that they just need to be patient and that you are there to help them with it.

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{ Tool # 3 | Move your body regularly }

If you follow me on Instagram, you can see that I’m at the gym 3-5 times per week. Part of it is because I have fitness and weight loss goals. But the truth is that the gym has been the best therapy for me to manage my anxiety.

When I don’t exercise, I notice a difference in my mood. I try to keep a consistent schedule to make sure that I am maintaining a minimum level of physical activity.

I don’t care if it’s going for a quiet walk or if it’s intense workout but get your body moving and do this regularly! When you exercise and move, you release endorphins in your system which helps combat anxiety.

Find the physical activity that you enjoy the most and do it regularly to see the long-term benefits. I got to a point where I crave exercising and sometimes I’ll go for a run just so that I can put myself in a better mood (trust me, it works).

{ Tool # 4 | Meditate }

Another amazing benefit of meditating.

If you don’t meditate…what are you waiting for ?!

I won’t bore you with the facts but if you haven’t noticed yet, there is a surge in popularity when it comes to meditation and for good reason. It has mental and physical benefits.

When it comes to anxiety, meditation becomes a way to practice deep breathing, it’s a time where you can quiet your mind and get in touch with your thoughts and emotions. You give yourself the physical and mental space to just be so that you can allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel.

Bonus tip: If you don’t know how to get started with meditation, there are many amazing apps that you can use for guide meditation. My personal favourite that I use every day is the Calm App because it has meditation for a wide range of topics from confidence to anxiety and stress, but it also meditation to help you fall asleep that I literally use every night.

{ Tool # 5 | Eat well }

I always like having a holistic approach to health and well-being because everything is connected. So when I really started tackling my anxiety head on, I looked at every area in my life to see what changes I could make. Food and nutrition was one of them.

Again, it all starts with observing your physical reactions to different elements, environments, situations and people in your life. For me, I started noticing that coffee gave me heart palpitations. So I stopped drinking coffee and only have it as a treat once or twice a week.

I also noticed that having processed sugar ALSO gave me palpitations. So I significantly reduced my sugar intake.

The timing of what I eat during the day is also important – I avoid caffeine after 2 PM, and I definitely avoid sugar (especially processed sugar) in the evening (I wish you could see the nightmares that I have when I eat sugar at night. They’re terrifying).

I also did a lot of research and take a variety of supplements that I feel have helped me immensely.

It’s all about giving your body what it needs to naturally be able to calm itself down and be able to manage the anxiety when it manifests itself.

{ Tool # 6 | Get good quality sleep } 

This is something that I struggle with because the quality of my sleep ain’t good… at all… but when I do have a good nights’ rest, I notice a significant difference in how I’m able to manage my emotions.

When you’re well rested, your mind is more clear and sharp so it becomes easier to tackle anything that comes your way. You are able more rationally work through an issue and are less likely to emotionally respond to a situation.

Getting good quality sleep is another foundational element of good health, but even more so when it comes to anxiety.

{ Tool # 7 | Find a hobby } 

I strongly believe in balance – your mind, body and soul have to be in balance for you to feel happy. When you’re happy, you’re more relaxed which means that there is less space for anxiety to creep in.

Part of taking care of your soul (and mind for that matter) is to have a hobby that stimulates you and engages your creativity.

Hobbies are different for everyone, you just have to find what works for you. Try taking an art class like painting or drawing, play an instrument, start cooking. I personally love Bullet Journaling because it feeds into my (slightly obsessive) need to organize while also feeding into my creativity.

Busy your mind with something creative and distracting (and I don’t mean Netflix because that just numbs your brain after a while) so that you have less time to feel anxious.

{ Tool # 8 | Talk about it }

I know that it can be hard sometimes to express what you’re feeling when you don’t even understand it yourself!

But the simple act of vocalizing to someone close to you that you are feeling anxious can help a lot. You can even explain that you are feeling anxious but are unsure why. This will make you at the very least feel less alone and your loved one can help carry the burden in that moment so that you feel supported.

If you can afford it, a therapist would be really great to help you uncover the underlying emotions that are causing the anxiety to begin with. It sometimes takes a few tries before you find the right fit, so keep in mind that it might take time to find the right therapist for you, but trust me, it’s worth it.

Through therapy, I’ve been able to uncover some of the reasons from my childhood that cause me to have anxiety to this day! Understanding those experiences that affected me in the past are an empowering way that I am using in a positive way to manage my anxiety.

If you’re helping someone with anxiety: One of the worst things to hear when you are feeling anxious is someone questioning your feelings “But there’s no reason to feel that way.”… the best thing you can do is to ask questions to help uncover the trigger or to help your loved one figure out what they need in that moment to help them feel better. sometimes, they wont know themselves, so you might need to offer some suggestions like going outside for a walk, encouraging to breathe deeply (and I mean literally telling them “breathe in slowly….exhale slowly” or by simply asking them “What do you need right now?”. I know you might feel powerless in that moment, but sometimes, we just need someone to sit there with us, hold our hand, give us a hug, and just be with us physically as we are going through the peak of the anxiety. You are doing more than you realize and don’t underestimate the value of your presence.

{ Tool # 9 | Be patient }