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Elle is for Love

Live a Life you Love

/ PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

A Simple Guide on How to Not Give a F*ck

(Disclaimer: I wrote this blogpost when I was in a particularly cheeky mood. Whatever I wrote is not meant to offend anyone. This is my way of putting a funny twist on an issue a lot of struggle with, which is to care about the perception that others have of us and controlling ourselves too much. This suffocates our  happiness, our personality, our self-love and our personal growth. This is my way to empower you to realize that you shouldn’t put so much emphasis on what others think…to not give a f*ck!)

I use to be that girl that worried about what everyone thought of her. I wouldn’t speak up because I didn’t want to offend anyone. I didn’t show my true personality because I was worried that someone wouldn’t like it. I would go along with what others did or said because I wanted everyone to like me. Basically, I worried WAY too much about what others thought of me, without stopping to think about what I thought of myself.

One day, I woke up and thought to myself: why the heck am I changing who I am to please others? Why do I feel the need to be someone else instead of just being myself? Why am I so afraid of being ME? What’s so terrible about me that I feel the need to hide it? (N.B. There isn’t anything terrible about me, in fact, some would argue that I’m pretty damn awesome. And I agree…most of the time.)

[bctt tweet=”We waste too much time worrying about what others think of us. Focus instead of who you want to be and working towards that!” username=”seppyforlove”]

Not giving a f*ck about what others think of me has been the most liberating realization of my LIFE. Keep in mind that this has only happened in the last 2 years. Part of me wishes that this had happened sooner, but it’s okay, I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and that we each have a path to take in our lives because we are meant to learn something from it.

[bctt tweet=”Not giving a f*ck about what others think of you is the most liberating thing you can do” username=”seppyforlove”]

And what I learned from this experience is that… I’m pretty damn awesome and I actually love my personality and when I let it shine, people actually like me (which I still find surprising sometimes because I can be a bit cray HA). Limiting yourself and trying to hide your true self is actually extremely exhausting and not sustainable AT ALL. It’s FUN to be yourself and let yourself go and to say and do things without worrying about what others think.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you should go out and completely disregard basic social norms and be completely rude and obnoxious because “That’s who you are”. Not at all. You have to respect others, whether through your actions, behaviour or words. But you should also respect your own voice, opinion and your own self to let YOU shine be YOU.

We each have our own stories, our own paths, our own lives and our own ‘baggage that has taught us about who we are, how to behave in the world, what is accepted and what’s not accepted in society, and how we should or shouldn’t behave.

Well, I’m here to say, F*CK it. F*CK it all (sorry if I’m offending anyone with the curse words… it’s not meant to be offensive but meant to be funny…).

Forget about what others think and what your past. Don’t let that dictate your future.

[bctt tweet=”Forget about what others think and don’t let what happened in your past dictate your future.” username=”seppyforlove”]

I’m here to say that you should stop and think about who you are as a person, what your values are, what your comfortable with, and what you have to offer to the world. Let those guide your behaviour and actions every day. Don’t let your past determine you future, and don’t let other peoples’ opinions and behaviour shape your life. Free yourself of that and allow yourself to let your true colours shine.

Wow, I feel like I’m on a roll and I’m not even sure where this is coming from.

Maybe it’s because on days where I allow myself to express myself, to be vocal about my opinion (while being respectful and mindful of other people’s needs), and when I allow my funny and crazy personality to come out, those are the days where I feel best. Those are the days where I feel like “YES! Seppy is here!” And let me tell you, I’m fun to be around. I could entertain myself for long periods of time (ask my hubby – he’s walked in on me laughing alone at a joke that I’ve played out in my head before even telling it to him!).

So here’s my easy guide on how to not give a f*ck so that you can free yourself of unnecessary worry and be happier.

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{ Don’t compare yourself to others }

This is a reminder that I think most of us need on almost a daily basis. We are surrounded by social media where we see edited glimpses into other peoples’ lives and it’s easy to get caught up in dream land and wish we had what they had.

But do you really know what they have in their lives? Does scrolling through their Instagram feed really tell you what goes in the background? Not really. Unless you know them personally.

Yes, it’s okay to be on social media. I’ve made some pretty awesome friends and am part of some amazing and supportive communities of blogger friends.

But don’t compare yourself to someone else. Your story is different. Celebrate someone else’s success or achievement (or new purse!). But you shouldn’t care about it in the way that it will make you feel jealous.

[bctt tweet=”Self-Love Lesson # 1 : Don’t compare yourself to someone else because every story is different.” username=”seppyforlove”]

I think it’s okay if it makes you envious because that’s a wake up call that maybe that’s something you’d like to achieve in your life. But don’t let it bring you down or invade your mind that you obsess over it. Focus your energy instead on what you want to achieve your life. Not giving a f*ck about what someone is doing is refreshing because you will have more mental space obsessing over what YOU want to accomplish instead of living vicariously through someone else’s life.

{ Set your own standards }

Who gives an EFF what so-and-so thinks about your outfit, what you just said or if you’re in a quiet mood?

Let’s put in this way: will this person remember what you said in a couple of days? Will they be offended by what you are wearing or saying? Are you doing it on purpose to hurt them? Are you specifically going out of your way to say or do something to offend/annoy them?

You are responsible for yourself and only you. You have control only over your own behaviour and actions and you don’t have control what anyone thinks or says about you.

Set your own standards based on your values and stick to them. Be confident in them and be unapologetic about them. If you’re not doing or saying something to purposefully hurt or offend someone and if you have thought it through, then you’re good.

[bctt tweet=”Self-Love Lesson # 2 : Be confident in your standards and values and be unapologetic about them.” username=”seppyforlove”]

Who the heck cares what someone said or thought of you? Be clear in your values and stay truthful and strong in them. Let them guide your actions, behaviour, words, interactions.

I strongly believe that whatever you do or say, as long as you’re doing with pure intentions then the outcome will be okay, even if someone is hurt or offended. Because if your intention was to express yourself or share something with that person and they take it the wrong way, then it’s not your fault. You have the responsibility to be kind and polite in how you communicate with them, but you are not responsible for their reactions.

{ Know your worth }

If you know how amazing you are, then you wont be bothered by what others think about you. And that is an amazing feeling.

[bctt tweet=”Self-Love Lesson # 3 : Know your worth <3″ username=”seppyforlove”]

Once you have established your values, take time to also recognize your worth. Your worth is the value you add to the people and environment around you. Maybe you’re funny (like me!) and you bring joy to people with your jokes. As long as you’re conscious of the quality of your jokes and that they’re appropriate for the audience and the environment you’re in, then if someone gets offended, it’s not your fault.

{ Trust yourself }

Do you see a pattern here? It always comes down to knowing yourself. Know your values, know your worth. Trust everything you know about yourself so that no one’s ideas or perceptions or opinions about you will affect you too much.

[bctt tweet=”Self-Love Lesson # 4 : Trust yourself, you already have the answer in you.” username=”seppyforlove”]

It’s important to have a close group of people who you trust their opinion, who know you and your values, and will be able to tell you straight up if you’re being an idiot. That way you can have the help of someone else in encouraging in a particular path or telling you off about something.

{ Self-Love Lesson }

Know yourself and have the courage to BE yourself and not give a f*ck about what others might think or say. Be confident and be unapologetically YOU!

[bctt tweet=”Have the courage to be YOU! (because you’re pretty damn awesome IMO) ” username=”seppyforlove”]

A Simple Guide on How to Not Give a F*ck

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sheila says

    YASSS GOAL ACHIEVED IM LAUGHING SO HARD.

    but on the real: amen to all of this because not giving a fuck really is the most liberating thing you can do for yourself !!

  2. Asha @Adventures with Asha says

    Yes yes yes more yes all the yes!!! I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned (and am still learning!!) is to be myself. My silly, goofy, sassy, honest self. It’s hard and really vulnerable, but damn is it so worth it! People resonate with me and my writing and my work wayyyy more!

    The comparison game is hard. And when others don’t know your worth, that’s hard too. I’m still working on knowing my own worth being enough though. Have you dealt with that or have any tips?

    • Sepideh says

      You’re SO right, you’re being vulnerable by being yourself but it’s SOOOO empowering and liberating!!!!

      Knowing your worth – that’s SUCH a good question Asha!! I think that knowing that some days you won’t be as confident is important but then what I’ve been doing is literally writing it down – what do I love about myself? What are things that I’ve accomplished and that I’m proud? I’m a visual person so writing it down helps it sink in but it also helps to have something to refer back to.

      This would make such a good blogpost..thanks for the Inspo <3

      • Asha @Adventures with Asha says

        That’s such a good idea! I’m also a visual person so I need to get better about writing things down! I have a journal that I never use haha. And glad to provide some inspiration! 🙂

        • Sepideh says

          Oh man, use that journalllll!!! It’s so useful!! Even if you don’t make it pretty just start writing your thoughts and emotions out!

  3. Tiffany Khyla says

    Preach, girl. YAAAAAS!!! I used to be the same way! I was such a people pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me even if I didn’t like them. It took way too much of my energy that I could have been investing in myself or the people that actually deserved my attention and niceties. I think the most important tip you shared here is to know your worth. That’s something I struggled with for the longest time, and I after I, like you, figured out how friggin awesome I am, I realized that I didn’t need to waste time on people who weren’t worth my energy. Thank you so much for sharing this!

    • Sepideh says

      You ARE awesome Tiffany! Thank you for sharing your story! It’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one that had that epiphany and that it’s been the most liberating thing in LIFE!

  6. Leslie says

    This is an awesome post and I think your pretty effin awesome too. I am still trying to master this with strangers. I’m a people pleaser and it’s so exhausting!

  9. Nicki says

    This has definitely been me over the past year, it is so liberating when you start putting yourself as a priority rather than others and what they think.

  10. Johanne says

    Yess, love it! Couldn’t agree more. I”m trying to give less f*cks about everything, but it’s pretty hard. For me the biggest issue is that I still lack self confidence. I”m getting there though!

  11. Rachel @ The Confused Millennial says

    yasss!! I have been thinking about this A LOT lately! also love your disclaimer at the opening! I should’ve done that on my “12 things to do when you dont want to do anythign post” so many people on Pinterest thought I was being super serious! I was like WTF!?? and then needed to practice this post haha! I have a post in my drafts that’s kind of similar to this, it’s about putting this into practice with people and some epiphanies I’ve had recently.

    • Sepideh says

      You should totally public the post you have in your drafts!!!

      I’m glad my post helped you in dealing with the judgment… it can be hard understanding the tone of a blogpost but I thought the disclaimer was necessary haha

  12. Yolanda says

    I think it’s a good reminder not to compare ourselves to others, as our stories truly are so very different. I recently read the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***. Great read!

  13. Karyl | Karyl's Kulinary Krusade says

    This is all SO TRUE!! I am definitely guilty of comparing myself to others, especially to my blogger peers who seem to be doing so much better than I am. Thankfully I have friends reminding me of how far I’ve come, and how close I really am to breaking through, and that keeps me going

    • Sepideh says

      That’s great that you have the social support around you that remind you of your progress! We all need that because the comparison game is hard to stay away from

  15. Holly says

    When I went from being a full-time working mama to a full-time stay-at-home Mama I had these thoughts all the time: “but I’m at home, I should be doing this (this being something crafty, magical, imaginative, for my children). It took me awhile to adjust to that switch in my role in the family & I lost myself for awhile trying to become apparently a 1950’s housewife. Don’t worry, I never got to the heels and aprons – lol. But I was worried too much about what other would think. So I learned to be myself again & also that store bought playdough worked just as good as the stuff I thought I should be making as a SAHM. Lol.

    • Sepideh says

      Thanks so much for sharing Holly!!!!

      LOL to the heels and apron (but…where are is your pearl necklace ?!)

      You’re absolutely right that we need to observe the pressures we put on ourselves and to be okay with not living up to our own expectations, especially when it’s to impress others!!! I’m guilty of that..!

  16. Dara says

    I really like the idea of setting your own standards. These are great tips to take with me into 2018!

  19. Carolin says

    I love this! I wish I could not give a f*** more often 😉 I think I need to work on the part of knowing my worth more, I’m pretty sure I’m not there yet.

    • Sepideh says

      Don’t worry Carolin, I’m not there yet!! But I think that once we do realize our worth, it’ll make it easier to not be bothered by others’ opinions and expectations..!

  20. Lauren says

    Wow what an amazingly empowering post. I agree with all that you wrote. Self-care and self love are so important!

  22. Sarah Klaren says

    Love, love, LOVE this!!! I just recently wrote an article about perfectionism and how there’s no such thing as “perfect” yet we judge others and strive to be what everyone else deems as perfect.

    I love every point you make here. So much good stuff! I wish you were on WP so I could follow you! lol!

  24. Johnny says

    Great read. I’m just about to the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F… by Mark Manson. Maybe I didn’t need to buy it in the end!

  25. Lailah says

    This is something I would print and keep next to me for those times when you feel down, doubt yourself or are caring too much. You said everything right. We care too much about what others say, compare to others and most of the time don’t know our worth. Which is so wrong. We shouldn’t be caring about what others say and that’s something people struggle with a lot, including me.

    A few years back I felt so insecure about myself and not just physically, but emotionally too and thought I wasn’t enough. I even said that out loud to someone and now that I remember I’m like “what was I thinking for God’s sake”. I know, horrible. But thank God we open up our eyes, grow and learn. Now, like you, I really don’t give a F* what other people say, I do me and if they don’t like it, then they have a problem. I keep on going and whatever is not working for me or disturbing me I step it aside.

    I loved this post, every single example you stated and the fact that it really will help a lot of people.

    I love you blogging bestie <3
    -Lailah
    http://www.princessmiiaa.com

    • Sepideh says

      Lailahhhhh <3

      I need to print it and put it beside my bed, on the fridge AND on the mirror too haha!!

      Comparison is SO bad and it's so hard not to fall into that trap!!!!!!

      Thank you for sharing your story - I'm so happy to hear that you were able to overcome your insecurities, that's an incredible big step to take in the right direction so good for you!!!! Continue doing you boo, because you're pretty damn awesome in my opinion <3 (but you shouldn't give a f*ck about what I say HAHAHA)

  26. Abi says

    Yes to all of this! I wrote an article hitting on similar feelings and I just totally relate to everything you said here. My article was published and so many people contacted me to say how much they connected with it, we’re in it together!
    Realising your worth is so liberating. I hope as many people as possible get to read your post and feel inspired to be themselves 🙂

    https://thequarter.life

  27. Gaelle says

    This article is a blessing because you are so right! Thank you for reminding us how important it is to be true to ourselves, and not care for the things that are not worth our time and mind!

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